M-Burger Soft Opening

• M-Burger is opening across the street from my office.
• They're giving away free food today and tomorrow.
• My coworkers went and brought back extras.
• All of the sudden, a milkshake and fries appeared on my desk.
• I hesitated, thought about downing the beautiful symphony of deliciousness in front of me.
• Maggie knows I'm going to Vegas next week and am strictly on LC's for lunch in preparation.
• Maggie swoops in, removes said deliciousness and throws them away.
• I'm devastated.
• Saint Maggie.

Bobcat Protection

"Hey Dale, what do we do if we encounter a bobcat up north?"

(Dad scurries into basement, emerges with 5 firearms)

"Well, this new one's for African plains game..."

Who knew we signed up for an actual impromptu gun show?

Big Gulp 911

Deputy Trudy Wiegel: You seem a little jittery right now, Terry. Are you trying to tell me you're not on any substances? 
Terry: I had skittles. 
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: You're jittery from skittles? 
Terry: Yes. 
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: [looking at Terry's eyes] Interesting. You're eyes are real dialated and they seem sort of joggin' around a little bit. 
Terry: Well have you ever had skittles? It's all sugar. 

Manny Waters Weekend Predictions

• Tara will find the white deer in the woods on his death bed during a 6am run that no one wants to go on.  She then will revive him, in dramatic fashion, and Disney will make a movie about their new found friendship (after the 2nd 830 am walk/run that everyone will finally join her on).
• Drew will somehow cross the line while playing the questions game with Mr. Clack (something about plastic parts); Dave will interrupt the awkward silence that will ensue with a comment about an article he read on foxnews.com, but will have a difficult time providing details about the article because he's hopped up on too much sugar from t-bone's cookies and cherry coke.
• Danny and JA will perform cheer stunts in the lake.  Danny will 'accidentally' drop her head first into the shallow water, then will giggle and splash water on her bleeding head (3rd grade's fun!)
• JT will make out with a lonely mountain man at the Pea Patch; he'll have her at "Where'd you get that there plaid?"
• That same faithful night at the Pea Patch, Katie will dance with a pool cue to a Miley Cyrus song I play on the jukebox and break her ankle when she forgets the pole isn't attached the the ceiling. We all spend the wee hours of Friday night at the local hospital. Bed pans are fun.

If there was a bucket...

In this segment of, "If there was a bucket," we're exploring the phenomenon of the kitten heel.  In my world, I'm either in flats or teetering around on 5 inch platforms. There is zero room in my closet for any footwear lacking an identity (Am I a heel? Am I not?). I'm turning the mic over to my brilliant hometown cohort, Emily (aka Emilson) Meudt, who brought this frivolous excuse for footwear to my attention the other day:


"Can you explain to me the purpose of "heeled" slides as well as kitten heels?? Or at least point me in the direction of good looking ones? I kinda want to vomit when I see them. In no way shape or form does a kitten heel make a woman's calf look good. Or her butt, which let's face it, is half the point of wearing heels. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings and you own a pair, but please say it's only one pair. Also, I didn't want to hurt other kitten heeled slide wearers out there. That is all." -Emilson

I too am sorry if you're a kitten heel wearer, but go glam or go home.

Tipping Point: American Fashion

My lease is up in September so instead of moving all my stuff in one giant/stressful move I've started to slowly relocate my belongings into Dave's condo, bit by bit. I started with the wine rack and glasses, followed by some winter coats and boots.  Although I'm trying to make this process as painless for him as possible, I knew the day would come when he would stop and say, "Wait...THAT'S coming in here?"  Last night the tipping point was my American Fashion coffee table book.  I began to bring a few decorative pieces into the condo: some candles, books, white spined magazines, etc., all of which he was fine with (or just hasn't noticed yet), but there must be something overtly feminine about this particular book that frightens him. We were sitting on the couch watching SVU (standard) when he looked over to the wine rack and saw "American Fashion" in big black letters along the spine of my favorite coffee table took and replied with, "Woah woah woah...American Fashion??? Where did THAT come from???" I believe he thinks all of my girly belongings will be confined to the second bedroom where he doesn't have to see any of it on a daily basis.  Hmmm, maybe I'll bring my framed Chanel MET print over tomorrow; perfect for the foyer!

Justin Timberlake in Egypt

Always entertaining and too brilliant for his own good, my pseudo brother Hunter recently embarked on a two year adventure in Egypt for graduate school.  I highly recommend following his hysterical yet insightful blog >> http://bradleyhmoore.blogspot.com/
Even though it's only been one week, thus far we've learned that his name "Hunter" is also slang for one's man-ness and Egyptians have a great deal of respect for women. And by "a great deal" I mean zero.

ps. Katie and I refer to him at Justin because there's a slight resemblance. Sorry if you were anticipating some sort of juicy celebrity gossip post :-)